Whether you know someone is going to die or their death is completely sudden and unexpected, the shock and the pain we experience with the loss of our relative or friend is different for everyone. Only you truly know how you feel inside and you may be feeling things you’ve never felt before. It’s scary.

Your body may go into physical shock, terror and disbelief may bombard your mind and the pain may seem unbearable. Some people sob and cry, some people scream and wail and some people stay silent and some people make jokes and try to laugh or act silly. Sometimes people are ashamed of admitting how they feel or they feel angry and look for someone to blame.

However, everyone will experience a feeling of being lonely but that does not mean you have to handle your pain alone. Reach out to other people and try to share your pain. If they knew your friend, they may be suffering too. By sharing your pain you will begin the healing process.

You won’t always feel this bad. After a while your sad feelings will become fewer and further apart and you will feel more ‘balanced’. Death cuts deep into our emotions the same as a surgeon’s knife cuts deep into our skin. But with time and care both kinds of wounds heal. They leave scars, but they do heal.

It may help to talk to an adult that you know and trust, teachers or counsellors, religious or spiritual leaders ....you have a whole community around you that shares your loss.

Healing any wound, in the body or mind, takes time. Allow yourself that time and give yourself ‘permission’ to grieve.

You don’t have to be a person’s best friend to feel the pain of grief when he or she dies and so avoid looking to compare it to the pain of someone who knew the person better.

In the first few days of loss it can feel like ‘an alarm clock is supposed to go off soon and this will all be over’ you will be in a state of disbelief. But in time you will feel differently.

You will never forget your loved-one, but the pain will ease. Whilst no one would ever choose to grow as a person because of death, that’s exactly what will happen to you. It will give you the chance to celebrate your life and look at what you can do to find the meaning out of your experience.

Remember to live your life to the fullest, be the BEST YOU can be every day. Look to help others wherever you can, charitable acts are good medicine. Enjoy your life. It’s not wrong to go to parties and have fun; you do not need to feel guilty because you are having fun. Staying sad all the time will not help your loved-one.

Try to think of something positive you learned from your relative or friend....something funny that happened when you were together, or a pleasant time you shared. Know that a part of your friend will always remain with you and be determined to make the most of YOUR one VALUABLE life.

Hope this Helps.

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This help sheet has – in part – been written with extracts taken from the book ‘When a Friend Dies’ by Marilyn E. Gootman. Ed.D. which is a book for teens about grieving & healing.